#12

Again, I wake up thinking about Deon. I feel in my Heart that it's over. I think that if I continue to hold on to everything I will be fooling myself. WE ARE JUST FRIENDS. Ask me does he know. I think he does but, he's never mentioned it too me. I feel that relationships are built on friendships and conversation and he's not doing that for me and I'm not doing that for him. We haven't talked in so long. I can attribute it to the distance because I understand it does put a strain on things. I've given him the account number and he can continue to pay his bill. I will turn my number off after my trip because I like the phone... And, I will talk to him when I talk to him. No, Love lost. He will forever be "My First Love".

Side note... After feeling really bad. I returned a phone call from my nephew and at the end he said,"Auntie, (then he paused...) I love you!" that really made my day. I cried when we hung up because I'm so sad. I know my PMS is on but, I feel so down. I feel like I wish I didn't love Deon because he just don't love me like I need to be loved.

Well, with the grace of God I know he helped me through. I feel 100% better. I pray that everything goes just fine on my vacation. I really Love Deon and I'm just going to continue to think good things and try to make the best of everything. I do promise to be fair to myself. I do want him to know that I do have feelings and I would like to talk with him alot more. He needs to know that communication is key and we are lacking and with out it it will kill our relationship. I need emotional support! I'm not getting it. I pray. I pray!

The pic I've taken today is of the hospital. I was getting off work and I thought it was the perfect timing to capture the beauty of the sky. Also, today I went to my LSS and made a purchase. I totally enjoyed it. Also, the ribbon that I ordered online came today! I was so excited!